사랑합니다 Kam Mul

{ Fear, uncertainty and discomfort are your compasses toward growth. }-unknown

{ When in doubt, choose change. } -Lily Leung

Probably close to the face I made when he said I had to leave.

I excitedly walked into my Mentor Teacher (Hang Gul)'s classroom the end of October, wanting to tell him that I would be extending my contract and staying for another 6 months and that I was excited because now I could play in the huge volleyball tourney in May (which he had told me about the day he met me after finding out I played vb in high school!) I did not get the response I was expecting. I was expecting happiness and excitement. Instead I got this.. 'Uh, Kristen, we will not have TaLK program.' What? They hate me? Why can't I stay? I was sad, mad, confused, angry, hurt. It was followed by a 'if you extend you must change schools.' I was dumbfounded. I didn't want to change schools. I loved my kids. I loved my school and the teachers. I was expecting to stay there, to continue with these kids, teaching them more and seeing them grow, learn and change for the better. I loved them. I didn't want to change. I wanted things to stay the way it was. I wanted to cry but instead I said, ok and walked out.

I made it on the wall, with real teachers.

The next couple of weeks were chaos. I didn't know what was going on, so I was talking to the higher up, Tim, and also to my MT and other people in my program trying to find another school to go to. Or figure out if I even wanted to stay in Korea anymore. As you know, now, I stayed. But a lot changed those next few months. I put more care and love into my lessons. I looked at the kids with a different set of eyes. I knew I would be leaving them all too soon, and I just wanted to love them and let them know that they are important.

grade 4, me and my 2 co-scholars Eugene and Tina.

the hallway to my classroom.

my first grader, Andrew :)

I had a few particularly bad kids in my 1st grade class. They were 2 monk boys, now I don't know if I said much about the monk children, but they are orphans, who got dropped of at a Buddhist Temple by their parents at various ages. Some remember being dropped off, some don't, some know their parents still but most don't. They all have shaved heads and wear gray 'monk' suits. Everything they wear is gray. All of it. I can't talk about family or God because of fear of offending them, or triggering problems. 

So anyway, these two little monk boys, Andrew and Alex were just the worst. They would fight and kick and cry and scream, never listen even when I knew they understood me, nothing. I was about to give up. Until one day (after I knew I would be leaving Kam Mul) I sat down right next to Andrew, during a Halloween coloring assignment. I started coloring my own sheet. I picked up the purple and started to color the jacket of one monster, Andrew did the exact same. I picked up green and colored the monsters skin, he did the same. This continued until we were both finished with the exact same picture. Tears formed, it was amazing. He looked up to me, we bonded and from then on he was much better in class. 


I realized I hadn't been trying, or caring about my students. That I wasn't giving them the attention and love they desired. Before I was just 'going through the motions'. I was being stern and force feeding them English words, thinking that was the best way to get them to learn, to sit and listen to me speak. I was throwing together power points, hoping they would learn something, that I wouldn't fail as a teacher. However, I learned that these poor kids were just wanting to be loved, to get attention that every kid needs, to feel like they are important. I finally saw that, it took me awhile, but I now understand. Love is above all else. Once love is present, everything else will fall into place.

Halloween Party - masks and some face/hand painting. (grade 1)

John, grade 3, playing some Jenga.

From that day on, it was less about 'you must learn English' and more about let's have fun together and learn along the way. We did much more art projects, made food, watched some movies and youtube videos, talked a lot about cultural differences. We did more of what the students wanted and in the process I think (and hope) they got more excited about English and it didn't seem like work, but play rather.

eating Dolores' famous pudding chocolate goodness, which
they LOVED! :)

we made pb&j sandwiches. they had
never had them!

Halloween party fun.. cookie on face game and the bag game with grade 6.

Twister with grade grade 1 and Christmas gift exchange.

My last day at Kam Mul, Jan. 15th, was a bit rough, busy and filled with mixed feelings. Good-byes are hard - it was my last day with my kids, my co-scholars. I also had paperwork to finish and cleaning to do. I was sad but also happy for a break and looking forward to my trip to the Philippines and Kuala Lumpur. Tina and Eugene, my amazing co-scholars, wrote a nice (well I assume it was - but it was in Korean - so I really have no clue) little good-bye that they read to grade 3 (my favorite class and last class period at Kam Mul). Tina and half of the class were in tears. It was so sad, since she had been there for 2 years! It was tough, change is hard, but I am certain I will see them again.. soon.

grade 3, on the last day with the Iowa postcards I gave them!

Billy, one of my favorites - even though I shouldn't pick favorites!

I'm so grateful for the oppurtunites and for the kids and teachers and staff I met at Kam Mul. I really don't think it was a coincidence that I got placed there. It was perfect! And as much as I didn't want to leave, I guess change is good and change will help me grow and help me become a better teacher. Getting too comfortable in a place puts you at a stand still. I'm for sure not at a stand still now. I've got 60 some new names to learn, and figure out each of their abilities. It's a challenge but a worthwhile one. 

snowy korea.

{ cats are smarter than dogs. you can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. } -- jeff valdez

Well we've got snow, here in Korea. I always say if it's going to be cold it should be snowy. So, I guess I got what I was wishing for.

yes, this is for real. This is an 'ice hump' on the side walk.
It's made because of the way they heat the homes here.
(it's hard to describe!)

The biggest difference here when it snows is that they don't plow (at least I have yet to see a snow plow - or maybe I saw one once). They just let it pile up and maybe, after a few days or weeks, they just maybe throw some sand on it. And shoveling the sidewalks? Why would we when we can leave it and it will be a skating rink? Then we can all watch the foreign people (and koreans alike) slip around and fall on their butts and laugh. Don't believe me? I am being totally serious. The ice was about an inch thick on the sidewalks. It's ridiculous. And if the ice piling up on the sidewalks isn't slippery enough they decide that marble is a great choice for EVERYTHING. News flash Korea, it's always WET in your country and when marble get's wet it's slippery and when it's cold and wet it's as good as an ice rink (if not even better). This I found out when I had 2 bags full of groceries and ended up on my butt right outside (on the marble slab) in front of my apartment. I am now terrified to leave and come home!

The sunrises here are quite pretty. This one was really strange. The sun almost looked like the moon, I am guessing because of all the fog!

So I should be happy, snow is pretty and equals - SNOW DAYS -- which are great right? In America yes, in Korea it means I wake up at 6:20 go to school, which takes 1.5 hours, get to school, listen to the teachers freak out (which I finally gather it's about the weather), sit in my classroom doing nothing, go to lunch to find out kids are leaving after lunch and I don't teach. So, I make my way back to my city, which takes about 4 hours by city bus in the snow. Or another day (Dec. 14th) it was raining (but then freezing) but I still went. Left at 10:30, got to Goesan to find out - oh school is getting out early. So I got lunch with Sarah and then we went all the way home. Yes, I paid over 10,000 won to ride to Goesan and back and waisted 3 hours of my life on a bus. So, all in all I don't really like snow days here, I would rather just teach! - Weird I know... choosing to work over not? What?

Yes.. this would be what you think it is. There is snow on the ground and the window is OPEN! They love to open the windows here when it is freezing cold. My family does not believe me.. so this picture is proof that they are a bit crazy (and apparently there range of comfort is somewhere between 35 and 90 degrees. (Yeah, mine is about 69-75). Sooooo, this is why I am sitting in my school in my winter coat, gloves, hat, scarf and mittens. Attempting to teach the students with out freezing! Some days I can't feel my fingers (esp. when I take my gloves off to type) I dread walking to the bathroom, since the hallways are literally 40 degrees if not colder. My room is luckily  a balmy 55 - maybe?! The best part of the bathroom is that once I sit down on the toilet, it's heaven -- they have heated toilet seats here!!! That is one plus. Sometimes I just go to the bathroom to 'warm up my bum' - literally!!

On a happier note. The snow is beautiful here. I have been noticing it looks like icing on a cake. It fits perfectly over the landscape and fills all the crevices. It's heavy snow and is plastered on all the trees in huge clumps. It also makes for some beautiful sunsets and some crazy sunrises! Yes, I have seen more sunrises in Korea alone than I have in my ENTIRE life. Korea, if nothing else will turn me into more of a morning person!

year in review {2012}

{Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.} -- Mark Twain.




Well folks it's 2013. wow. I guess that means it's time for me to reflect and look forward to a new start.

In reflecting, I'd say 2012 was pretty spectacular. Got to try a few new things (shot a gun (a real one), jumped off a mountain, and became a teacher) of course traveled lots over the US and then moved to Korea, made new friends, took lots of photos (oh wait that's a given), and although I've had some challenges, it's been great and for sure one that will stand out!

A quick review all in one convenient location.. (incase you don't want to read all my other posts!) --- Diptych style.





January - {Iowa, California} basketball, basketball and some more bball (and some family time in there too) and then a last minute, super random road trip to California starting from New Mexico with a friend I hadn't seen in a year.

February - {Utah} work - taking photos & photos & more photos @ a portrait studio in Utah ... also went to the 'Up' house. Yes, that's right THE 'Up' house an exact replica of the one in the movie, it's in Herriman, Utah!

March - {Utah, Vegas} lots of work (I was basically running the studio) and also a trip to the city of sin with my good friend Pierie, for a much needed weekend out of 'Happy Valley'.

Photo Credit: Hannah Miller (H.I.M. Photography) @ Photo Works Portrait Studio.

April - {Utah, California} another trip out to California (Sacramento and Monterey) for Easter - shot some guns, watched the sun set over the ocean, saw the redwoods, shopped, and sat by a lake with a picnic supper. I worked some and hiked bridal veil falls (twice in a week) in Utah.

Bridal Veil Falls, Utah.

May - {Utah - St. George} a few photo shoots and then a nice road trip with my siblings & Kilijan (from Switzerland). I picked them up in Vegas and then we went to St. George to hang out on the Ranch, road horses and hiked to 'the bowl', saw a polynesian festival, and went to Zion's National Park. Then I road tripped ALL the way back to Iowa with my sisters in a completely filled car - literally. There was not room for one more thing.. anywhere.

Kristen & Erik's wedding day!

June - {Iowa - Crooked Creek Camp} worked for CC Christian Camp as the head lifeguard with my brother and cousin and met some amazing people. I learned a lot and even though it about killed me to be 'stuck' there (in the middle of nowhere) for a full 6 weeks.. it was good to be forced to commit and be challenged in new ways. Also taking orders and not being able to always do what I wanted or thought was best was hard, but again good for me. Also got to my little sis play some softball.

July - {CCC Camp, St. Louis} finished up working at camp. went to St. Louie to see a Cards game and our good family friends. bought a new computer. also my birthday of course, which I don't even remember what I did. wow.

August - {Korea} What? Why? (I don't really know, honestly, but I say the real question is why not?)  I spent the first 3 weeks in Jochiwon with 300 other people in my program (TaLK - teach and learn in Korea) getting a crash course on being a teacher. right like that worked. not.

Seoul: Left: Monument, Right: View from Seoul Tower.

September - {Cheongju, Danyang} I moved to my apartment and started teaching. (which meant started waking up at 6:20 and riding a bus for 3 hours a day) wow. a whirlwind of a month. Had no idea where I was, what I was doing, or how to even communicate let alone teach anything. I was just happy to make it through this month alive. Also went to Danyang to visit a friend and see a cave and hike a mountain! And how could I almost forget, I went to a PSY concert -- saw me some Gangnam style live folks!

My mess of a room, unpacking - still not much cleaner.

October - {Chuseok, Songnison Mountain} Spent the Chuseok (Thanksgiving) holidays with my friend, Anna. Also hiked around Songnison Mountain with my friend Alina. 

Chuseok: Left: Anna, Right: Cemetery where we preformed bowing rituals.

November - {Lantern Festival} went to Seoul for the lantern festival and also did some more teaching (mostly about thanksgiving) and pretended I knew what I was doing. I decided I was going to extend and stay in Korea for another 6 months. (yup I just love it that much, I guess) :)

December - {DMZ, Danyang, Muju Resort, Seoul} was a big one. Started it off going to the DMZ and saw North Korea. Jumped off a mountain in Danyang (of course with someone attached to me and we were both attached to a parachute-like thinger), went skiing @ Muju Resort with all my fellow TaLK-ers), went to Suwon with my co-scholars to see a fortress, folk village and the ocean, and celebrated Christmas with my good friends in Seoul and ended it off with an interesting experience with a Korean ER, and spent New Years Eve watching a movie at my friend Liz's house, then went to Buzz (a bar here in Cheongju) to see my good friend, Sarah. Then went home early because I was still recovering from my hospital visit.

DMZ - Left: fence of ribbons for loved ones in the North, Right: Friends pretending to be a 'boy band' on the tracks leading to the North.

New Years Day - I spent it FaceTiming my family and good friends including one of my faithful blog readers (Doug), and watching the ball drop in NY from Korea (during the day) - how strange.

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It's crazy to think that 2012 is over... and crazy how fast it went. I am truly blessed to have been able to travel so much throughout this past year and see so many things. I have big plans coming up as well in the beginning of this year with a trip planned to the Philippines and Malaysia as well as a plan to go back to the States and hit up Cali, Utah, Chicago, Iowa, New Mexico and Arizona.



Thank you to all who made this year memorable! I feel so blessed to have so many great friends all over the world and to have seen so many truly amazing things. The world is a very beautiful place filled with some pretty spectacular, beautiful, fun people. (no matter what language they speak or where they are from, people are inherently good - it's confirmed). I had some trials of course, some rough patches with some anxieties, friendships lost or strained, fears of always moving and feelings of being lost and confused about the direction my life is headed, but overall I'm very blessed and I'd say am doing what I am supposed to be doing at this point in my life. Each day is a new one and provides new experiences and learning opportunities for me to grow and become a better person, helping others as much as possible. I have already learned so much about myself in these short months (from being abroad) a bit of Korean and have some sort of an idea about how to teach (more like control) a class of Korean kids!

사랑합니다 - sa-rang-hab-ni-da. (I love you!)





Good bye to 2012 and here's some 2013 hopes and goals.

health and happiness
a sense of direction, belonging, calling
travel, do and see and learn and change
create lasting relationships
appreciate everything I have
to simply be and be awesome.